Forward Edge of Freedom

Gong Show II: The Sports Reporters

Note to SW's...End the pop culture similies. What are you, sportswriters, or stand-up comics? These guys spit out trite set up one liners that can be seen from a mile away. Some sportswriters do, in fact, do it seamlessly e.g. Bill Simmons (who, by the way, is exempt from my attacks. he is a great writer, stays away from annoying politics, and just lets his readers have fun), Others, unfortunately, have realized his success and try to incorporate their usual analysis of sports by saying something that is totally manufactured and usually a step or two behind the rest of us. It makes me as uncomfortable as when parents attempt to "get down verbally" (Always, no, never forget to check your references...hopefully you got the reference, people) with their kids. Painful. Imagine something like this on the Sports Reporters (Affectionately known as "Hell" to the FEF)

Lupica: Tiger Woods's drives are as inconsistent as J Lo's wedding plans

Gallery of horrible writers: Hahahahahahahaha

Bob Ryan: The NBA Coaches are like they are on the Apprentice. Which coach is getting "Fired?"

Gallery: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Nice work, guys. A word of advice, when your intern writes these down for you, do not wait 6 months before using them...

In other news:
Sales of Russian Roulette: the Home Version increase...

We do not need curmudgeon reporters trying to appeal to a younger demographic. Talk about how bad a player is, talk about the need for a trade, etc, but do not insult the audience by playing the hip grandpa.

Have Other Side of Sports Argument, Will Post

Sorry for the lay off. But now there is important things to discuss. It involves again the worst insurgents in the battle for America: The Sportswriters. Easy people, I have not moved to the Unabomber shack to continue my postings, nor will The Turner Diaries now become required readings for all FEF fans. I am just a little fed up with the sportswriters and their infusing of their personal beliefs on politics into everyday readings.

Let's remember the Muhammad Ali issue. He is heralded for speaking out against Vietnam. Obviously, everyone was against Vietnam, correct? Uh, no. Hard for Mike Lupica and Bob Ryan to believe, but many, as in well over half of America supported our soldiers overseas while this vocal minority were more interested in whining and doing drugs. Obviously, no one wants to fight in a war fought by Democrats, but that is for another column. In the Tiger Woods Sports Century, sportswriters tell us that he has not reached his potential because he is not raising political issues. So, if Tiger Woods talked of how important tax cuts are for economic growth, or how quotas based on race are keeping minorities down by lowering standards would the sportswriters be happy? I can really see Mike Lupica screaming, "Thank God, Tiger Woods is speaking for conservative America!" Let me hold my breath for that revelation.

The excuse is not what the cynical writers say either. Their excuse is that writers write for controversy. They argue that they just want something to write about. They do not pick sides. Right. Ask Vijay Singh about that. He spoke his mind and stood up against the insanity of women playing as a sideshow in tournaments, and he was crucified from the first time he paused. If they really wanted the debate to continue to write about it, would there not be a couple writers to defend him? At the least, the sportswriters would act like there was an opportunity to defend the other side of the argument?

The issue is these writers have no counterargument in their newsrooms. There is no conservative sportswriters. There is no one willing to put a halt to the advance of liberal agendas in sports. It looks like news 10-15 years ago (Pre Fox News). Watch a debate with Stephen A. Smith versus a hapless white reporter. By the end of the argument, Smith is screaming so loudly at the other guy for being a racist, the man looks beaten down and I am sure he has apologized for slavery, Jim Crow, Plessy v Ferguson, and has offered half his salary as reparations. I am not saying that everything SAS is wrong, nor do I side with the white debater regardless. The point is we cannot have real debate without an issue having both sides to it.

So this front on the FEF must not be surrendered. Since there is not a National Review or Washington Times for sports, and judging by the searches for honest reviews on these people, I will reinforce this issue here. Once again, thanks for visiting and I apologize for the layoff. In the words of the chief defender of freedom, I will charge those in their sportswriter perch: "Let freedom reign!"

ESPN: the FEF is Cashing You Out!

In a shameless plug for ESPN's own world series of poker, today on ESPN.com, they summoned all their columnists to produce the tired debate (read "tired" as whipping a pile of glue, much less a dead horse) on whether Poker is a sport. Today on the FEF, much like the Zulu warriors deploying on multiple sides with their Impiis, I will try and destroy two of the most trite and annoying topics that inundate us when we sit down and try and watch a little sports analysis.

The First: Anything to do with poker. I admit it. Rounders was cool. I thought Matt Damon's character going against John Malkovich in an underground poker house was awesome. It had this edgy New York underworld not seen since Mean Streets and Taxi Driver. Also, you had cool character names like Teddy KGB, Worm, and Knish. We also got to learn about professional poker players like Johnny Chan. Before, when we thought of poker, we assumed 5 card draw or stud. But with Rounders, we learned of No Limit Texas Hold 'em. Poker was not for fat old dudes anymore. Needless to say, the networks, sensing an opportunity started broadcasting the World Series of Poker. First, The Discovery Channel had a couple documentaries on it. Then, the Travel Channel hopped on board. (Note to Travel Channel: You want ratings? Play Spring Break and Mardi Gras shows nonstop. That is the only reason people stop at your channel anyway. Is this actually getting into the posting? Whoops.) Then ESPN, in the television version of "Smear the Queer" (If Bravo can use Queer, well, so can I. Besides gay is the new black…) started broadcasting "The World Series of Poker." The funny part is they are all at different venues, prompting all of us to demand: would the real World Series of Poker please stand up? (The real slim shady may sit down I suppose at this point) Baseball does not have this problem. Also, these shows are on ALL THE TIME! How can I track who is the world series champion of poker? Tracking them by any man wearing gaudy bracelets I am afraid will not work. If that were the case Newark, New Jersey and Philadelphia, PA have an inordinate amount of Poker champions per capita…

The point is the show is tiring. There is no dominant player. It always seems like a new champ is some first year guy. Could it be that no one knows how to read him right away? Or maybe it is GAMBLING, so LUCK IS INVOLVED! The play-by-play does not help. Norman Chad spits out tired one liners that seem as manufactured as his hairpiece. (Yes, that was also a manufactured one liner, and yes, I do see the irony…shut up.)

Obviously, Rounders is a great movie, but not realistic. Let's face it. A bar wench working in an illegal poker game room would not look like Famke Janssen. Therefore, let's realize that Poker is a card game with a lot of luck involved. Therefore, the Cinderella story motif is a bit overplayed. Maybe we should have the World Series of Slot Machines, and we can marvel in how the blue haired women only seem to keep their championship for a limited time, like until the Prime Rib buffet opens…

If these games continue to be televised, I demand this: No hats or sunglasses! Isn't the whole point of being a good player is to control your reactions and expressions? To bluff your opponent? What is to stop some player from bringing a plywood wall and slipping his cards in and out of his makeshift battlement? Get some control of this, people.

With televised Poker effectively ended by my searing commentary, I will now stop the "sport not a sport" debate. This is a phenomenon that was cool to chat about with the boys over a few beers. When it surfaced with sportswriters talking about it, we had a great "Coooooooooool" moment (the moment where we were mesmerized by the fact that sportswriters are talking about the same pointless debates we engage in). Here is the unfortunate part: we stop, they do not…over and over they drive it into the ground. Thanks, Bob Ryan for letting me know your opinions on Bocce and lumberjack sports.

(Quick Dreamality on this. Remember Quarterback Princess when Helen Hunt is invited by the boyfriend -the guy who played Cougar- to play lumberjack games to show off how tough he was? I am laughing thinking about that scene…I digress)

While they make fun of shuffleboard and bowling, then they start rampaging into track and field and race car driving. Then we get the half wits like Mike Lupica trying to make uniform rules (I drive on the Tappan Zee, I don't consider that a sport…Or there is no contact in golf, that is not a sport) The rants become tiresome, and in case some of you reading do not have friends, no one sits around and debates these things anymore. In fact the main thing my friends sit around and talk about that is sports related is which sportswriter is the most idiotic and ignorant.

So, ESPN: do not go the way of MTV. You are a sports station. Play sports. The focus should be sports, not the people who cover them. You don't see newscasters trying to be more important than the story…Oh, wait a minute.

RIP Mr. Wiley

With the Passing of Ralph Wiley, the FEF has debated on the proper thing to do with the posting on him. Since it was quite negative of him, and I wrote that I "basically hate him" (realize of course that is a hatred of his work, I am not threatening anyone with bodily harm). While the left and Al Qaeda like to call for Fatwas, I do not hate anyone personally when I criticize their work. I am sure that is obvious to everyone. He was clearly a much more prolific writer than myself, since inconsequential critics like myself have about 3 readers a day compared to his thousands. Condolences to his friends and family.

I Max: Best Chance at Rational Thought?

So, I realize it has been awhile since my last sports chat, and since I have noticed that I am on the first page for googling Ralph Wiley, I figure I had better keep the sports fans of the FEF interested.

I was watching Max Kellerman's new show on Fox Sports Net last night. Now, there is a guy that makes me feel qualified to talk about sports. I think Max must literally scan the NY Daily News's box scores and scans an article before going on the air. He knows next to nothing, and to top it off, he has the world's most annoying voice. The piece de resistance, of course, is the Uncle Kracker beard around the periphery of his face. Apparently, Max is going for the retro Puerto Rican drug dealer/pimp look, and, well, he pulls it off. If I saw him walking down the street, I certainly would call the police, or I would ask if Juanita was available for a few hours…

Anyway, apparently Mr. Kellerman fell on his head sometime after his "Around the Horn" stint, because he seriously asked for more money. If ESPN raised his salary from his "Night at the Fights" days, then Mickey and everyone at Disney needs a urinalysis ASAP. His show was a rip off, and a bad one at that. Yet, Mr. K asked for more money. Thankfully, he was sent packing, and yet, in a move that is one for the ages to ponder: FSN hired him!

Apparently, his "Disembodied voice" and one reporter was available, so the show continues in a bizarre ripped off version of his rip off of "PTI." It would be the sitcom equivalent of a spin off "Three's A Crowd." Now imagine how horrible that show would be. Cameos by Joyce De Witt and Richard Kline would be an enjoyable alternative to this train wreck. First, the voice now has a name and facial expressions, yet for some reason still seems "disembodied." Then, there is only one reporter, and for some reason it always seems to be Michael Holley. The duo? Let's just say Herbert Warren Wind and Grantland Rice they are not…It is amazing how many times they have two opposing viewpoints, and I disagree with both of them. Whether it be the parroting of common sports writer hyperbole, or some pop culture debates that are as avant-garde as a madras shirt, this show has no redeeming qualities.

Yet, there I was, (NS) watching this train wreck, and the topic of Paul Hornung's firing as Irish radio announcer was addressed. I was amazed. Like monkeys banging on a keyboard eventually typing "Hamlet" Max Kellerman had a salient point. He said that race cannot be talked about in a meaningful way anymore. He also spoke about that there is a difference between being "race conscious" and "racist." Interestingly enough, Michael Holley agreed! Then, like that, the debate degraded back into its usual barbs and brays, but that point actually gave the FEF time to reflect. If this monstrosity of a show could bring up that issue, could this country be that far away from actual meaningful race discussion, rather than rants, apologies, and character assassinations? I would sit through hours of "I Max" to get that moment of clarity, than hours of "PTI" with Wilbon defending Barry Bonds cries of being a victim of race.

So, sports is not a safe refuge from politics, whether it is Stephen A. Smith screaming about how a showboating miscreant is being misunderstood because of his race, or Hunter S. Thompson writing in a "sports" column about a Butt Pyramid is worse than anything the Nazi's did. Thinking of these alternatives, maybe I know why I was watching "I Max." Monkeys on keyboards randomly produce something good, liberal propaganda is always crap.

Freedom's Outposts and More

Quickly, I wanted to introduce a new feature to the site. Freedom's Outposts. These are other front lines where others dare to stand a post on freedom's forward edge! These are some well written sites, with people far more eloquent and amusing than I can hope to become. Hope you check them out! Quick Dreamality for your troubles…

The Baseball Bunch…Baseball show starring Johnny Bench with guest baseball stars of the early 80's. Nothing beats players such as UL Washington or Lamar Hoyt complete with afros, and tight uniforms (which complemented so well their glazed over cocaine induced smiles) reading cue cards as they wondered how many bad grounders and fongoes these 8 year olds would have to make, before they could cash their checks. Where are the lost episodes with gems like:

Steve Garvey asking for all the kids to put their moms' pictures and phone numbers into the hat for a chance to win "A special Visit"
Steve Carlton to give a quick lesson in politics to the youngsters
Rickey Henderson stating, "Kids, Rickey is the greatest, tell your kids about Ricky, they will playing with Ricky someday"
Steve Howe telling the kids how being a "team player" means urinating into someone else's specimen jar…

Ah the early 80's baseball…

Ralph Wiley proving my point

Now to be fair, I hate Ralph Wiley.

This is nothing personal, I wouldn't get into a verbal altercation with him or anything, and he seems like a friendly guy. I think I just do not like anything he has an opinion on in his writings.

I first discovered him when I was reading the Page 2 columns on ESPN.com where creating false hyperbole filled headlines is their claim to fame ( “The WNBA: Best sport in America” or “Barry Bonds, father of the year”) Their mission is to create a headline that someone like me says, “Those SOBs, I will show them, I will read their whole column…and then I will click on their e-mail and write them back, then I will click on all their sponsors…” Boy, I showed them…Nice work by me…

So back to the story, I am meandering across the page and read a headline in spring 2003, and read about that girl basketball player that was turning her back on the flag. Being a former cavalryman, and having friends fighting at the “forward edge of freedom” (website title giveaway…uh-oh this site might have jumped the shark…), I was not pleased at her lack of respect for their sacrifices. I can tell you that when I served in the Armed Forces, we did not sit around and think while we were on deployment, “Boy, I am glad that we are here defending democracy, so people at home can hate the military, spit and burn the flag. Makes it all worth it to have someone belittle our sacrifices…”

So enter Ralph Wiley, and his article smacking of anti-Americanism to the highest degree, talking about his respect for her courage to make a stand against the war, even with some people being upset with her actions. Courage? Courage is doing this in the Soviet Union. What was she doing? Exercising her 1st amendment right. Do I get credit for courage when I go buy a shotgun and exercise my 2nd Amendment right? Or how about choosing when I drink a beer (Hooray, for the 21st amendment!) Give me a break. We are not going to throw her in the gulag. Why? Well, of course because many braver and stronger people thought the nation of the flag that she despises was worth fighting and dying for. And they were not showing the devotion on the basketball courts. Because, unless we are Grand Master Flash circa 1982, we do not break dance our way out of conflicts…We have to fight.

So why does Ralph Wiley make it a point to defend her? I realize he is advancing his agenda. He was against the war in Iraq, he hates Republicans etc. Fine, that is his right, but do not sit and write sports and try and slip political points under the radar of the mainstream. Sports are the one thing we have in common. I have friends that I wonder how they breathe with all the blood that spews from their misguided hearts, but when we talk sports we still have something in common to chat about. And some div III 20 year old girl who read one too many New York Times editorials is not worth spending 5 minutes on in a sports article.

After this article, with my blood boiling, I read his archive. A tough task, since the man cannot write the English language. Must be a real drawback in his career as a writer…Run-ons, poor verb construction, was the man sick the day they taught English in English class? (To paraphrase LT Kaffee). Well, as I finished reading his articles, they all ran around how some show boating hot head is good, establishment is bad etc. So imagine my lack of surprise when he wrote about the events of the NFL draft week and said the three big events were Clarett, Eli Manning and the death of Pat Tillman. He then proceeds to talk about Manning and Clarett, only. So let me get this straight, Ralph: This girl turns her back on the flag, and her “courage” gets an article, Pat Tillman dies for his country, and he barely gets a footnote. Perfect.

Well, perhaps that is for the best. Pat Tillman deserves a tribute from a writer far more talented than Mr. Wiley.