I Max: Best Chance at Rational Thought?

So, I realize it has been awhile since my last sports chat, and since I have noticed that I am on the first page for googling Ralph Wiley, I figure I had better keep the sports fans of the FEF interested.

I was watching Max Kellerman's new show on Fox Sports Net last night. Now, there is a guy that makes me feel qualified to talk about sports. I think Max must literally scan the NY Daily News's box scores and scans an article before going on the air. He knows next to nothing, and to top it off, he has the world's most annoying voice. The piece de resistance, of course, is the Uncle Kracker beard around the periphery of his face. Apparently, Max is going for the retro Puerto Rican drug dealer/pimp look, and, well, he pulls it off. If I saw him walking down the street, I certainly would call the police, or I would ask if Juanita was available for a few hours…

Anyway, apparently Mr. Kellerman fell on his head sometime after his "Around the Horn" stint, because he seriously asked for more money. If ESPN raised his salary from his "Night at the Fights" days, then Mickey and everyone at Disney needs a urinalysis ASAP. His show was a rip off, and a bad one at that. Yet, Mr. K asked for more money. Thankfully, he was sent packing, and yet, in a move that is one for the ages to ponder: FSN hired him!

Apparently, his "Disembodied voice" and one reporter was available, so the show continues in a bizarre ripped off version of his rip off of "PTI." It would be the sitcom equivalent of a spin off "Three's A Crowd." Now imagine how horrible that show would be. Cameos by Joyce De Witt and Richard Kline would be an enjoyable alternative to this train wreck. First, the voice now has a name and facial expressions, yet for some reason still seems "disembodied." Then, there is only one reporter, and for some reason it always seems to be Michael Holley. The duo? Let's just say Herbert Warren Wind and Grantland Rice they are not…It is amazing how many times they have two opposing viewpoints, and I disagree with both of them. Whether it be the parroting of common sports writer hyperbole, or some pop culture debates that are as avant-garde as a madras shirt, this show has no redeeming qualities.

Yet, there I was, (NS) watching this train wreck, and the topic of Paul Hornung's firing as Irish radio announcer was addressed. I was amazed. Like monkeys banging on a keyboard eventually typing "Hamlet" Max Kellerman had a salient point. He said that race cannot be talked about in a meaningful way anymore. He also spoke about that there is a difference between being "race conscious" and "racist." Interestingly enough, Michael Holley agreed! Then, like that, the debate degraded back into its usual barbs and brays, but that point actually gave the FEF time to reflect. If this monstrosity of a show could bring up that issue, could this country be that far away from actual meaningful race discussion, rather than rants, apologies, and character assassinations? I would sit through hours of "I Max" to get that moment of clarity, than hours of "PTI" with Wilbon defending Barry Bonds cries of being a victim of race.

So, sports is not a safe refuge from politics, whether it is Stephen A. Smith screaming about how a showboating miscreant is being misunderstood because of his race, or Hunter S. Thompson writing in a "sports" column about a Butt Pyramid is worse than anything the Nazi's did. Thinking of these alternatives, maybe I know why I was watching "I Max." Monkeys on keyboards randomly produce something good, liberal propaganda is always crap.

Comments

[The Misspent One]

I am forever amazed by your constant reference to "Butt Pyramids." I'm not sure if has something to do with mocking the media's obsession with homely women pointing fingers and men's penises, or whether you have an inordinate fascination with Butt Architecture.